Weirdness in the middle of summer.

MY summer, that is. It’s so weird. My body clock’s weird. I always go to bed at around 3 am and wake up the next at 1 in the afternoon. It’s always like that. And man, I haven’t been out of the house for more than 72 hours. Thank Merlin Trish is coming over tomorrow. She’s in EK right now with her friends and I’m jealous. I wanna have fun too.

I can’t wait for school too. Because when I’m in school I forget about eating. Because all I do now is pig out and sleep. Since my mom is still in Dubai, I don’t have someone to go to the gym with. Plus, I doubt my brother’s going to go about all the trouble into driving me to the gym. :p

I’m bored.

I’ve had one of those conversations again..

It’s been a long time since I last caught myself having a very deep and detailed conversation about my college life. It’s been, indeed, a long time. So let me tell you how it all went earlier. My friends and I were seated in a gazebo in Plaza V around lunch time when they all whined about their pangs of hunger. So I’ve told them that they go ahead and grab a bite to eat and I’ll just stay in the school because I can’t walk under the sun. I came across my Oral Communications (Lab) professor who happens to know about my involvement in an independent film here in the Philippines that was created, directed, written, and produced by a friend of mine and a fellow Benildean/Lasallian. She’s really proud of the school and she’s always encouraging us to do stuff that we like.

So we had a conversation about the film having a part 2 and that I am again, a part of it. I told her that I’m just a walk-in extra and sometimes a general extra, since I have a few lines. I said that my attention was drawn to the cinematography and the directing part, although the acting part is quite fun as well. Then there came a time when she said, “wait, you’re HRIM (Hotel, Restaurant, Institution Management), right? And your friend’s MMA (Multimedia Arts), right?”

And I answered with a yes and went on and on about how I got into HRIM in the first place. I told her that it’s partly my mother’s decision to take up HRIM and major in Culinary Arts because at the moment, it’s pretty practical and it could earn you big money. Well, I’m really hoping for that. And hopefully, I could take a crash course in filmmaking sometime after graduating.

She asked me how I got into filmmaking and all that. I told her that back in highschool, I inherited my father’s JVC digital video camera and started playing with it. I tweaked in and ended up making short films with my friends. Then there came senior year. I joined the same elective – Creative Arts. It’s mostly writing, speech, and everything about literature, English, and all that. Then we had a lecture about filmmaking analysis and critiques and that’s how I learned all the technical terms that I know now. And my Creative Arts instructor and English teacher really inspired me to explore more. I think she’s one of the reasons why I got drawn into the arts.

I remember telling my friends that I liked that teacher. They said it was weird. Almost everyone in the batch hated her because she’s strict. And now, my friends in college think that the Oralcom lab professor is uptight. But I’m saying this again, she’s not that bad.

Melancholia

I woke up this morning at around 11. I didn’t really have the energy to get out of bed and bathe because the last meal I had was yesterday morning. So I went to school at around 1 to sign an attendance for a test and to know my grade in Principles of Tourism 1. First person to say hi to me was (at least the one I remember) him. So I went up to class and the professor asked me what grade I’m expecting to get. “3.0″ I answered confidently. The professor smiled at me and reached out his hand. “You got it, Ms. Rivera. Congratulations.” he said. I was indeed, happy. Or was it just a state of mind?

I just got a 3.0 on a subject that demands too much and yet I’m still somewhat melancholic. It’s probably because something’s supposed to happen today. Only it’s not happening yet. Well, I think I could wait. The day’s not yet over, but I’m not counting on it too much. It’ll drive me to do drastic things. 

I’ll probably hate myself in the future for writing this here. I just swore I’ll never discuss such things in my public blog. Oh well. What’s a girl to do? 

2:17 AM

It’s 2:17 am, according to my laptop’s clock and I can’t sleep! I must be put to sleep now because I have to be up by 7:30 to get ready for my 10:30 am exam. (Yeah, it takes me a lot of time to get ready. Because when the alarm goes off at 7:30 I’ll keep on hitting snooze over and over again until I fall asleep again and wake up after two hours and go, “shoot, I’m late!) Anyway, the Business Math exam earlier was all right. I didn’t really study. And everyone there were losing hope. They said it was too hard. Oh well.

And out of boredom, I made a new banner for this blog. Hmmm. I really couldn’t think of anything to write. But since I really have to do something to make me sleepy, I’ll just go say what I’d like to do. Hmmm. First, I’m really glad about the project/society thing that my Principles of Tourism 1 professor thought of. I think it’s called Ecotourism Society of DLS-CSB. It’s pretty cool, actually. We elected 10 officers from the class and I am so happy that I got elected as the coordinator (which pretty much is the president.) So there. Our professor told us that 10 of us would be going to Canada on October for an international conference. Must be fun! I was told that it would be like, four days. I’d ask if we could make it a week so we’ll have time to see the place.

Oh, and I am so looking forward for my Thailand trip with Mary on September! I really love traveling and I’m just really ecstatic because my mom’s letting me go and all. It’s so fun because she caters to all my needs (and not to mention, my wants). I am really glad I have a mother like her. I just wish she knows that!:D

Anyway, what I’d like to do after college is probably go around the world. I’m thinking my first stop would be Perth, Western Australia. I’ve got friends there and they’ve told me that chefs are in demand over there so I’d better try my luck there. And after that, I’d probably go to Europe. Specifically, United Kingdom. I’ve always dreamed of getting there and nothing’s stopping me!

So I’ve made a list of European countries/places that I would like to visit. This is in no particular order though. So here goes:

• England
• Scotland
• Germany
• Italy
• Greece
• France
• Netherlands
• Switzerland

I plan to visit all those countries after college. Or hopefully during college, which I actually doubt because we pretty much don’t have long vacations since we’re not really using the semester calender. 

It’s 2:29 am. Still not sleepy.

For you I bleed myself dry

My entry has absolutely nothing to do with my title. “Yellow” is playing and it’s my favorite line. Anyway, it’s 11:34 PM. I have roughly 13 hours and 30 minutes before my Business Math finals. And yet I’m not studying. Earlier, I was. But I’m so distracted and I have no focus. You see, that’s why I should always study ahead of time but I always fail to do that.

Ohwell. Procrastinating.

This is quite tempting

Okay so I’m desperate about going to London. Haha! It’s 2:25 am and I ended up searching for cheap flights online.

Anywhere the wind blow, doesn’t really matter to me…

Or not.. Earlier, I had a conversation with someone I’m supposed to forget. It only happened a few hours ago but why does it feel like it happened ages ago? I guess it was all a blur. It was disappointment and joy at the same time. Ironic, really. Oh well. Better wait it out…

I’m lucky and it’s good that I know it

Earlier, I was worrying about my FILIP13 project – which is to watch this Filipino movie and make a review about it. It’s supposed to be passed tomorrow, and being a full-time slacker, I decided to procrastinate and work on it the day before the submission. So I did. Earlier, I went to the University Mall (I’m making it sound like it’s a really nice place, but really, it’s not.XP) to look for a copy of the film I’m supposed to watch. Dang. They don’t have it. I panicked. I only got 90 pesos in my wallet and it wouldn’t be enough if I go to Harrison Plaza. It would be enough if I just walk. What’s (approximately) 1 kilometer? But then, it’s scorching hot outside and I’m wearing corporate attire and heels. So good thing Ed accompanied me to UM to “make it up” to me for blowing me off for the second time. Haha. I borrowed a hundred from him so I could ride a pedicab going to HP. So I did. I rode a pedicab near Starbucks.

Before I hopped into the pedicab, I asked mamang pedicaber (pedicab driver) how much it would cost. He said it’s 20 pesos. So it’s okay, I hopped in. On my way to HP, I’ve seen the real or maybe just a glimpse of reality – or should I say poverty. It’s scary. People of all ages were there. Babies to old people. They were roaming the streets of Manila. With and without clothing. I just don’t understand why the world is cruel. What have they done to deserve such hardship? It’s like just waiting to die or something. It’s depressing, really.

And I looked at the pedicab driver and noticed that it’s hot and he doesn’t have a roof over his head. I felt so bad for thinking that he’s charging me way too much. He’d be willing to charge 20 pesos to take me to HP, and it’s freaking hot outside. I admire him though for doing something good and not being pressured into doing evil things like stealing. 

Reality scares me. I’m lucky and it’s good that I know it. I never really told my mom that I appreciate everything she’s given me. I know lots of people would want to switch lives with me because I get everything I need. But I just found it cheesy. I never really engage into deep and sappy conversations. But I hope my momma knows how thankful I am to have her and how grateful I am for everything.  

Finally

I finally finished my pre-finals requirement for PTOUR1 since I missed the pre-finals part 1. I burned my 50-slide powerpoint presentation into a disc and I’ll be good to go. And I’m finally done with almost everything now. 

I miss slacking. I miss sleeping late at night and waking up in the afternoon the next day. 

And oh, yeah. I haven’t finalized my itinerary and schedule for my short summer break. All I know is that our Boracay flight was moved to May 1, since it’s a holiday. It will be a total adventure since we’ve got no place to stay yet. We haven’t made any hotel reservations or whatsoever. All we’ve got are half-emptied pockets, plane tickets, clothes, and our feet to take us wherever. :p

It’ll be definitely fun too because there’ll be no adults around since my mom’s sticking to the May 2 flight. I’m definitely going to try parasailing! I can’t wait!!!

So it’s either traveling or violin lessons or a language course for me. What to choose, what to choose? 

TMTH.

Okay, so I just found out something. My obsessions to nerds and my desperation and dreams of becoming one is slowly unfolding. Haha! I hope. But I just realized, the more things you know, there is more tendency that you’d be hurt by things that you actually know. 

Let me explain. So I have this tracker for “invisible” people on messenger. I found out about the tracker when Lala tried to reach her officer through messenger. Anyway, I entered his messenger id. There. He IS online.

The tracker will basically say either offline, online, or invisible. But he was online! I came up with a conclusion: he went invisible only to me! It’s not that it mattered to much, but the fact that he actually thinks I like him is just… so conceited of him! Anyway, I convinced myself that maybe he really is invisible to everyone in his messenger list. But then, I thought, why the hell would he change his avatar? (Invisible users’ avatars don’t show/come up). So what’s the point of changing avatars if no one would be able to see them? And a few minutes ago, I just realized that the tracker says online because he really is online to everyone in his list except to me. So in short, the tracker would only indicate the user as invisible if the user is invisible to everyone in his list. 

Anyhoo. He’s not invisible to me anymore. Just now when I logged into my messenger. It’s probably because I went invisible to him. Erm. Whatever. 

So today was supposed to be a “free day” and will be used for make-up classes. So I had two make-up classes today then I went over to AKIC to return the book I borrowed for PTOUR. I’m supposed to pass a 50-slide powerpoint tomorrow. And so far, I’ve only made 10 slides. 10 down, 40 to go. Fucktard.

School’s a bitch. I’m cramming again. 2 weeks to go and it’s summer break. Hopefully I’d get some rest and sun.